Crises in Aisle 4

2011-11-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

In most cases, I don't swear a lot. I usually spend more time shooting angry looks at people who pepper their speech with swearing within earshot of my kids; or even when my kids aren't there, because sometimes I forget and I'm now programmed like a robot. Oddly I spend an unusually large amount of time correcting my parents, who I don't recall ever swearing in in my youth, but who now seem to have taken up with sailors and prisoners, having spiced up their vocabulary in their retirement years. Or maybe they are just forgetting the nuances of their vocabulary and realized cuss words can be used to fill any gaps in thought nicely.

Anyway, my point is and why I am going to semi-swear today is what the F (yes, *the F*) is up with the price of food these days? Since when is peanut butter over $7-f'ing-dollars a jar? I cannot get out of the grocery store for under $200 anymore and that is just when I "run in for milk and bread". What is the fair market value for a jar of peanut butter anyway? $3.50? At most. What are these Occupy Wall Street protesters doing lounging around city parks working on lame slogans "the 99%" when they should be in Aisle 4 rallying against the price of peanut butter?

I'd stop buying peanut butter in protest. If only it wasn't so cursedly good. What else can you roll in powdered sugar to shove in your mouth like a make-shift Buckeye, or slap together some uninspired-but-never-rejected lunches for your kids (don't bring them to school though for the love of God, you'll hospitalize the 64% of kids now allergic to food. Nothing strange about that...thanks chemical companies). Later you can mix some peanut butter and soy sauce together and be on your way to Asian noodles your kids most likely *will* reject. Peanut butter, now with a new slogan: the caviar of 2011.

Btw, day 2, no book deal yet. The right deal takes time to put together.

Keeping it Real

2011-11-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

After a three-year hiatus, I'm back, baby. And this time, I'm playing smart and keeping it real. For one, having subsequently learned that my former blog ~One Day at a Time~ is actually a mantra of sorts for the AA crowd, I'm ditching the former-drunks and marketing to those with some cash and a nice selection of wine: rich publishers.

I know it will take some time to rebuild my former blog empire to prove my worth, what, with most of my faithful readers now dead of old age, but last time it took me less than 10 posts to get my first paid writing job (for DISNEY) so let's see if we improve on that. Actually my Disney blog Just Amy lives on in the unindexed internet ether, awaiting syndication, following Disney's financial troubles that prevented them from continuing to employ a rock-start talent such as myself.

I know I can count on Anonymous to back me. Anonymous is my most loyal fan, posting comments sometimes 20 or more times a day! If it were not for having a moderated blog, you too would be privy to the wit and musings of this #1 fan, which covers topics ranging from penile implants to low rates on Russian-backed loans. Anonymous can be a little bit hard to follow what with all this back and forth topic jumping, but in fairness, I've made less sense after knocking back a few.

Blogging for Book Deal

Crises in Aisle 4

Keeping it Real